Caregiver Burnout: Practical Caregiver Tips with Holli Frey

This week, Tina Rains, RN, CALA, and Melinda Lee Foster are joined by special guest Holli for an honest conversation about caregiver burnout and what happens when you wait too long to ask for help.

If you've ever wondered, "Am I doing enough?" or found yourself running on empty while caring for an aging parent, you're not alone. Holli shares her personal experience with caregiver burnout, the warning signs she missed, and the practical changes that helped her move forward.

Together, Tina, Melinda, and Holli discuss why so many family caregivers neglect their own health, how to recognize burnout before reaching a breaking point, the importance of asking for help, and simple ways to care for yourself while caring for someone you love.

Whether you're just beginning your caregiving journey or have been caring for a loved one for years, this episode offers practical caregiver tips, encouragement, and hope to help you navigate the journey with greater confidence.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I asked for help way too too far in. I was already in burnout.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

I hear it all the time. I'm saying, where do I start? How do I take care of mom and dad? I don't know what to do. So today, our topic is just that is what are those things? We have Holly Frey and we have Melinda, my co-host, that we're gonna be talking to like what are those practical tips that you wish you had known when you first started caregiving that we can just share with the listeners today to help add some value. So a lot of the questions that you have that you um are wondering about, like, where do I start? What do I do? We're hoping to answer some of those questions today. So thanks for joining us, Holly.

SPEAKER_04 0:49

Yes, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to share my experience, strength and hope.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Yeah. So strength and hope. I love the hope part. So just so people get a handle and a little sense of who you are, just tell us, like, you know, how old maybe your mother is or who you're caregiving for, how long you've been doing it. Okay. So that we get a little sense of what your experience is and hands-on caregiving. Because you're not a professional, right? This is something you kind of oh, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:18

My profession was government and and at-risk youth. So mental health has been my uh my background. Um, thankfully, you know, one thing I'll say is is getting to my parents, like the exercise, that's one thing I don't want to forget to say, because mental health, um, it's real. And this what I've chosen to do with my life now with my mom and dad, my mom being 88, um, and she has Alzheimer's. Okay. And my dad having congestive heart failure and watching him decline on a daily basis, especially now in his end stage of life.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Without that mental health, like picking up bicycling, like I love to bike, and I'm like, what can I implement every day to take care of myself? Exercise has to be a part of for you, the caregiver.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

You're not talking about for your parents. No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

For me, okay for my mental health, right? Um, just so I can, you know, because they're changing in their own way, they're developing into people they don't even recognize who they are because you know they were very active, and now all they do is watch TV, right? So, mom with her Alzheimer's, you know, the medication has really and God prayer has helped thank the Lord that the med she's on has really kind of slowed the progression. But you know, she has her moodiness and her anger and pops up, but you know, we we work with it and it takes things a day at a time, right? Sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

By the way, did you see our podcast? You'll have to check it out. I thought of you, Holly. The one we just did with Dr. Josh on all time. It was great. Fascinating. Okay, fascinating.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

I'm on it and I'll send it to some more people up here. Thanks, thanks, I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

So you've been doing this for how long now? Full time for six years, full time for six years, and it's kind of interesting because you're probably not getting compensation from any place for it.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

No, another great big and there's nothing the government hasn't said, you know, we're gonna give you tax breaks, or you know, you have to you have to pay out like thirty thousand dollars before you get a tax break for this. Wow, and it's just not feasible. But there are agencies you can reach out to, um, area agency, area agency on aging is a great resource. Um, we found a local recently, just today. I had a local community nonprofit called the Hinton Center Rural Life Center, and they have missionaries that came in and helped build a ramp for my dad. They've weedied it, they're helping me. They're even gonna help me build my barn for my new business, which is a um mini farm for children that suffer from trauma. So we're implementing that, and that's kind of another God thing that has birthed from my mom and dad caregiving for them. So, you know, just surrendering everything to God and saying, You have to change my heart, Lord, because when I signed when I took this on, I can relate to that one right, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Like gardening, you feel terrible, you feel like you're a terrible daughter, right?

SPEAKER_04 4:22

Yes, I beat myself up for so long, and that perfectionism that I was raised with from my dad came through. And I just want to encourage anyone on this call, just give yourself a break. You don't have to be perfect, and and we don't have to be God, we have a God, and prayer changes things because God has just inspired me to just pray more, ask for miracles, and guess what? Daddy's still alive. Yeah, you know, 20 years ago they diagnosed him with congestive heart failure and gave him 10 years to live. And here he's 89 years old. So when when they get the diagnosis, anyone gets a diagnosis that your loved one has congestive heart failure. If you're like me, I wanted to quit my job and move up here 20 years ago, literally, because to me, that I didn't understand it not having a nursing background, but that blew me away. I it just crushed me. But it is such a progressing disease that if it's treated right, it's it's a long journey. Um, and every every fall, everything that I've had to deal with with his blood pressure, you know, we think it's the end, and it's not.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Yeah, I love so Holly, tell me a little bit about like when you started caregiving, because that's what we're we're really thinking about, right? Today is like when you started that caregiving journey, what were the things that were the big questions for you that you wish you would have known, like at the beginning, that ended up you know getting much bigger than they should have?

SPEAKER_04 5:57

Yeah, and I think it's um who do I call to get help? Who who can I I need an agency? So then they gave me the home health care agency. But Tina, there's so many things I would have done different, right? Um, I wouldn't have rushed, for example, I wouldn't have rushed right up here. You know, I when mom and dad both fell the same day and got black eyes on each side of them, and they called me and they're like, ha ha, making a joke out of it. My son and I looked and said, it's time for me to go. But in reality, what I should have done and I wish I would have done is um been more in touch with local agencies that could come in for me instead of me being here and like a CNA, like home health care, and organize that from a distance instead of just rushing in me, letting go of my job, letting go of my house, selling everything. You know, in hindsight, I would have taken things a little slower and smarter, but I just, you know, I got in that panic mode.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yeah, but but that's just gonna say the problem is you just don't know how long you have. You know, Tina does a great talk on this. It's like, you know, you think you have more time, yeah, and sometimes you don't. So in this case, in this case, you did. Yeah. So you really don't know. So now you've kind of hate to say this, kind of like given up your life for your parents.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

And some people would say, Well, they gave up their life for you, you know, it's yeah, and I'm so glad I knew I'd be here. I think that was one of the things you wanted me to discuss. Like, when did I know it was time? And I always knew I was gonna be the one. Right. You just know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

So when that all happened and you rushed up there, um, you were talking about the agencies and getting more support and that type of thing. What what type of agencies have you found now or support systems, I should say? Because I know, like, you talked about the missionaries that are helping you today. Like, if someone's starting out fresh, like where would you suggest? I mean, I can tell them where to go as you know, working with families every day, but you're the caregiver, right? I wanted to hear, like, where did you figure out how to go find those resources?

SPEAKER_04 8:17

Well, I'll tell you, the one resource I the only way I figured it out is is my church. I worked in a church, so I had a lot of elderly people there, but go to your church, get resources from there that most churches have, a ton of resources. Um, and I just checked in the newspaper, you know, elderly care. I Googled it, I Googled elderly care, and I got the government agencies that I needed to reach out to. And I'll tell you, the best agency for me and my dad has been hospice. Because I know in Florida, hospice is not end-of-life services. They give you end-of-life services, but they don't consider it end-of-life anymore, they consider it services for the caregiver. And so when we came down for season to Florida this past year, oh my gosh, it was like, oh, the gates opened up. It was like we have help. We have a CNA twice a day. They came in, they were great with dad because you know, it wears you out emotionally and physically. You know, I had to have back surgery, like my own health declined because I was pushing the wheelchair all the time. I was having to get them out of bed, and you know, you got to call CNA and get back up because you just can't physically, I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Absolutely, especially my mom. Yeah. You well, you have a double enemy, right? You have both of your parents, and this is the thing, right? Is that so often you watch caregivers end up being more sick than the parents or the spouses they're taking care of? Oh, yeah. Because they're doing the lifting, they're doing the heavy pushing, they're doing all this, and they're so stressed. So they're getting all these other issues going on in their bodies because of the stress and the difficulty. And so uh, when did you know? How long into it did you realize? Wait, I should have got some more help.

SPEAKER_04 10:13

Too late. Too late. Probably a couple years. Yeah, I tried to do it all on my own thinking this is what I'm supposed to do. I gotta, you know, I signed up for this. Suck it up, buttercup. Excuse my language. I kind of was raised with that mentality of do it all yourself, don't ask for help. Luckily, I am in recovery. I I'll have uh 14 years sober on the 23rd. Congratulations. Um, thank you. So I've you know, resort like friends, sisterhood, get a community of women or men, men, if you're the caregiver of men, that you can, you know, whether it's your church and it's just been my friends, my sober sisters in Florida that have really um contributed the most to me as far as needing to cry and the mood swings and everything I've been through, you know, because there are just days when you do the best you can with what you got. Um, but yeah, I signed up. I I asked for help way too too far in. I was already in burnout. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

And describe describe to people what burnout looked like, Holly, because a lot of times caregivers are in they're totally burned out and they don't even realize that they're burned out.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

Um, I think for me it was when I started. My son says, Mom, do you have Alzheimer's? And it was my cortisol levels were off the charts because I couldn't remember anything. And I started thinking, Oh my gosh, am I getting my mom? And I know whoever's watching this is gonna identify because it's stress, and it's just, I mean, even today, I was like, What did I do with my phone? Where's where's my keys? I just, you know, like sometimes, and right now I'm at max capacity. I can tell you could probably see it in my eyes. I'm a little tired, but um, no, it's you know, my mom and dad, it's just we have become so close. And I know I'm I'm putting out all the negative, but the positive is every day I have them, we get closer. I'm learning more about them more now. Um, I do wish I would have taken more videos of them when I first started because they have progressed not only in the Alzheimer's, but my dad, where he can't remember as much. So those questions I have about the blackberry bushes, he doesn't remember anymore. And I'm like, shoot, I wish I would have. So anything that's really key to you or key to the person doing the caregiving, or you think the grandkids might want to know one day, do videos.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

That's a great point because yeah, one of the reasons that Monty and I, when we're we had gone and served in a nursing home and it broke our hearts. And my husband, every time he talks about it, he gets tears in his eyes. He's like, they just want to be heard, and their stories are so valuable. And I think sometimes when you get in that caregiving mode because it is so difficult, we don't stop to really hear the stories or to ask those questions and take advantage of it, and then they're gone, and we're like, Oh my gosh, you know, and it really struck me the other day. And so I I was asking my mom some questions, and it's a great reminder what you just said.

SPEAKER_04 13:27

Is so I thought, I need to record this next time. And there's a game that my son bought, my mom and dad, for Christmas. It's called Tales, T A L E S. And it's something that you can do in video. Um, it's a game, it's a card game, and you pull out everyone in the family can pull out, you know, everyone can sit around and you ask questions to them about their childhood.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

I love that.

SPEAKER_04 13:52

I know my son just whipped it out and started asking these questions, and I'm like, that is super cool, but like the videos are priceless because I just think I don't know, I'm a big picture video person.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah, and um do you think that um taking the videos and having that record kind of softens your heart a little bit towards you know your parents and and because what Alzheimer's when they're repeating the same story, when you know certain things are happening, you're like, Oh, you want to stop them. Um having that sense of them as a human being before it all kind of took over.

SPEAKER_04 14:30

Yeah, and that's what I'm saying about making sure that that you ask for help sooner than later, because now it's to the point where I can't seem to catch up. Like it's been a year since I really had any time off from my parents. Like in the last six months, I think I had you know one full night off.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

It's just I'm here all the time. So my question is because we've had these workshops and we've been talking to different people and and talk about boundaries and reaching out for help. What does your extended family look like? Do you have brothers, sisters, any?

SPEAKER_04 15:07

I have a sister, yeah. My sister's in Florida, she's a nurse, she's a uh MA.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

So I'm imagining it's her turn to give you a break. Not gonna happen. Okay, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_04 15:21

That's you know, we all have choices in life, and she has her career and her husband to take care of. Um, so you know, it's I've I've given up on that ship, but now my nieces and nephews, when we're in Florida, they can do it. But everybody works and has a life, like that's what I hear.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Someone asked Tina a question. Tina, if someone is in Holly's situation as a person that provides caregiving, do you ever do like vacation caregiving where someone comes in and just 24-7 stays with the family for like a week or two or a month or whatever, kind of moves in and takes over?

SPEAKER_00 15:59

It actually happens a lot where um the caregiver just the family just needs a break. And so a caregiver will come stay with mom or dad or both for you know however long the vacation is. And it's just it's we call it respite care. Yes, it's really just to give them a break. And so um, yeah, it's a great way to do it because you can have if say you want to go to Europe, you know. I think the biggest mistake that caregivers make, and I mean you said it yourself, Holly, right? You gave up everything and your life has stopped, and really that's not healthy for you, you know, and that's not healthy for any caregiver, like you should still have a life, yeah. And you would, you know, like you, Melinda, you have your brother that comes in, so that's good.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

I've got two brothers that come in occasionally, but for people who are or in your situation, Holly, I mean, the other thing that we have heard is is you know, have even just a half day caregiver come in, and you've got that half day every week, every Tuesday afternoon, whether you want to go to a movie by yourself or take yourself or a manicure, pedicure, or whatever, like you deserve that time. And if you don't, before you know it, like that bird. Yeah, I'm in a sanctuary here. Yeah, I mean, isn't that right? That you find people that at least they give themselves the break of a half day a week. Yeah, and to your own.

SPEAKER_04 17:28

To your point, Melinda. I just want to to not forget this point. Um, there is an agency up here in North Carolina because a lot of the home health agencies want you for respite care, like they'll insurance covers that, but then they want the family member to go to a place, they don't let people come in and give the respite care.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Like a day, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

They want to send them somewhere, and I'm like, no, my mom and dad are not gonna go stay somewhere for a week, so I can go and have free time. Like, I just I can't do that. So they have um funding where they will reimburse me $500 a year. So there are agencies like that. If anyone has you know can't afford respite, just to let you know, there are resources for respite care that you can just Google it and the agencies will pop up. But yes, that's what I need is someone to come here and stay. I'll take their phone number. They can come in August. I want to go to Florida for a week as long as they can manage goats and a dog and cats.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah, yeah, you might need two girls.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

But they got a beautiful dock and a lake they can go swim in.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Yeah, a couple could come in and do that, Tina. That's uh that's an interesting way.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Yeah, it's that and I think it's a great option for families because when you take someone out of their own environment, it's much harder. Unfortunately, what happens is some families can't afford to bring somebody into their home. Um, and so they, you know, the only respite care they do have is what you know, Medicaid or Medicare will, you know, the insurance will cover. And in that case, that does require you to go to respite care, like in an assisted living home or a nursing home or something like that, which doesn't really make a lot of sense to me, but that's just the reality of what they do. So um it is, but it is so valuable for the caregiver to get out and go have some me time.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Oh yeah. Well, that's why the me time, you know, is every day I go biking. Yeah, you know, I use that as my me time.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:38

I put in 23 miles today, like that's it. If I didn't have my bike, yeah, because I'm right here. So I had to, you know, you're gonna have to be the caregivers are gonna have to be creative and think, what do you love to do? That is a form of exercise that you can really get serious about maintaining your own health. The one thing I don't want to forget, and if you notice, it's I I gotta say things as they come up because I will forget them. Um dental care. Now I learned this a hard way with my mom. Um, I was only, you know, my mom was always every six months you have to have your teeth cleaned. Well, you know, I have it once a year. I try to do every six months, but I'm always busy. Well, for her, elderly people need it every six months. Um, and so when my mom started losing her teeth, we went to the dentist and they're like, we have to pull three of her teeth, she has cavities, so it went down here really quick. Um, so I just want to say oral care is really important for them.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Well, and you know what's interesting about that is in the podcast with Dr. Josh, he talks about one of the key indicators for Alzheimer's is people who do not have healthy mouths. They're finding actually, and I don't ask me the exact bacteria, but they're finding bacteria that starts in the mouth with bad oral hygiene in the brain, which is causing some of the Alzheimer's. Wow. So it is so important. I mean, it's a really good point that you're saying, Holly, because it really is so important to make sure you have good oral hygiene for um many reasons.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Yes, oh yeah, so so oral hygiene. I mean, Holly, are you actually flossing your parents' teeth or can they do that for themselves still?

SPEAKER_04 21:32

No, I'm not doing that. I have the CNA's, that's what they're for. Yeah, okay. Oh yep, I have found yeah, whatever I can, you know, delegate, delegate, delegate.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

Good for you.

SPEAKER_04 21:46

Yeah, I can't, you know. I even had to go buy my mom this iRobot whiskers thing for her cat. You've probably seen them. It's a self-fluctuating cat litter box. Oh, yeah, I have one upstairs down. Stairs, like no more cat letter, can't deal with it. Like you just get tapped out. You know, sorry we're spending two thousand dollars on cat letters, boxes, but I ain't going there anymore.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

Yeah. Well, you have to think about your mental health, you know, like and um I think one of the most important things that you said today was you know, start early, finding those resources that can give you the support because you know, you are only one person, you can't do it all, don't have this huge expectation. Tina and I always say give yourself some grace, you know, not to be perfect. Um and uh and and taking time for yourself, those two key things. If if if nothing else sinks in, I mean people have to do this for themselves. You can hear it, you can hear it, you can hear it, you can get the advice, you can hear the experts. But until you actually apply the advice like you're doing, getting on your bike and riding every day just for a stress reliever, just to get out of the house, just to have some me time, yes, is like the most important thing that you can do.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Correct, Melinda. And also, you know, I had to work a part-time job because it became, you know, taking them both to the doctors every month. They were going to a different doctor's, and it just the doctor's appointments alone, you know. You have to be there for like the cardiologists and certain things. I have to be there, but I don't really have to be there for every dental visit, anything you can sub out or get the local transport, like they have Palm Tran in Florida. Up here, it's Clay County Transportation, it's free transportation. Utilize advantage of it. Yeah, whether your parents want to not do it or not, set a boundary with them and say, I'm sorry, you know, and because you have to like for me, working part-time was key, it just gave me something else to focus on, otherwise, it becomes all-consuming. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it really does. So just don't feel bad about setting boundaries. And you know, my cousin said to me when we first started this, she said, Holly, you need to have your parents pay you. And I'm like, I am not having my parents pay me, no way. I mean, literally, I sold my house in Florida, I I lived off what I made on my house for two years. I didn't want my parents to do anything, you know, missed independent. And I went through everything. I I mean, I went through all my money just living up here in survival mode, taking care of mom and dad, taking care of my bills, where I should have let them start paying my some of my stuff, like my car insurance. And you know, I know this a lot of people don't have to worry about the financial aspect like I do. But a lot of people do, they do. And in the beginning, I didn't need the help. But if I would have gotten started smarter and worked, you know, more efficiently financially, and not spent my savings in my retirement, right? You know, because that's what you go through. You just don't want to put the burden on them. But you know, if you're up there taking care of them, accept it. Say, you know, I gotta get paid, or you know, mom and dad, you gotta part of your social security as long as the bills are getting paid. I need a hundred bucks a week or two hundred, you know, whatever you want to do, but don't spend it to where you don't have it anymore, and then trying to be independent, you know, and being prideful.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Yeah, I do have one question we had a uh guest on just a moment ago. Do your parents have an end-of-life plan? Do you know what they're what they're wanting, be cremated, buried? Just that yeah, you've had that conversation.

SPEAKER_04 25:35

I've contacted the funeral home with my dad. I know exactly, I've put that into place. And another thing is I've been starting to write my dad's uh memoirs. Yes, I've I've been putting together little isms because my dad's an ism, like no matter where you are, where you go, there you are. And he just has so many little sayings and started writing all those down. And so I'm you know, I got yes, the end of life, everything's in sign. We got trust set up, and I did all that right away. That's one smart thing that was smart right away before mom's Alzheimer got really bad. I said, We're gonna go in and and establish exactly what you want because it had been 20 years since they did their will and their trust, so now it's settled and everything's done, and I don't have to worry about it. That's good, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

That's so smart, and that's one of the number one things that we were just having this conversation earlier of between the siblings fighting over the finances because the parents don't plan ahead and get that done that way, or the burial itself, the you know, after death um events, they the siblings don't speak because they have two different opinions. When if the parents can do it early and have those conversations, the kids step in and have it early with their parents, it helps so much to all that.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

And we we set up, she changed her um executor of the estate to me, who's the one doing the caregiving me. So I had the right to all their health decisions immediately, their finances, everything. And you know, we we kept I kept trying because I didn't want my family mad at me. So I was trying to keep all their money and their investments, like not touching anything. And two years ago, I said, you know what? Why? So you can suffer and not have everything you need, and we need roofs and all this stuff. Like, no, we're gonna start cashing that in because you need this stuff now. And and they agreed, and you know, luckily, so you just have to make the best decisions you can. I did reach out to other opinions with my close, close friends to verify that I my thinking was correct because you know, sometimes you you get to a point where you can't think except for moment to moment, it's hard to scope out and really think sometimes. Yeah, I'm Melinda. I'm sure you understand that. It's yeah, I do to see the big picture, like you just you're so super, you become super focused.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Yeah, and and Tina and I keep on saying this, everybody's situation is different. Yeah, you know, whether it's two parents, one parent, remote, you're live-in. I mean, there's so many different components. Um, but I think that you're handling what you're doing extremely well. You know, I wish I I wish for your sake also you had started earlier or and kept your little nest egg and let your parents pay for all this caregiving, but that didn't happen, you know. But you but maybe somebody else will learn from your experience, yes. And that's what I pray. That's what we're hoping, is because the more you can take care of yourself, then the better caregiver you can actually be.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

Yeah, people and one thing I will say like never underestimate the power of God. Because again, when I first started this, I'm like, my dad has daylilies, blackberries, blueberries. I had to weed again, like, not the weed word, like growing up, you know, he always forced me to weed. So I swore I was never gonna pull another weed when I moved out of the house at 18. And now I'm this morning. I was under the blackberries weeding. God will change your heart. Just ask him. Say, Lord, I'm struggling with this area. My dad was super critical of me the first two years. I was crying, I can't do this anymore. I wanted to go see a therapist. And luckily, my sponsor thing to do, yeah. And my sponsor in AA was like Holly, yeah. And like I worked with her through that. I called my therapist friends. Yes, definitely. I'm all about seek out any kind of help you need because it took a while, and then finally he softened. And I was able to have those tough conversations with my dad. Like, it really hurts me, dad. And and it's only because of God because I was so afraid to confront my family because you know I was the kid, but you turn into the adult, and now they're the children. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

You're the parent now.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

I'm the parent.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Yes, yeah so, Holly, with that, we need to close this podcast today. But I would love, is there anything else that you would say to a new caregiver besides what we've already talked about today, that you would leave them with um an a gold nugget to help them get started in their caregiving journey that we haven't addressed? Or do you think we've hit all the highest points?

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Um, I think I think we've hit a lot of them, but I will say the the thing that's gotten me the most combobulated, discombobulated is having expectations. I have zero expectations when I wake up in the morning. I don't think a day's gonna go a certain way. I take it moment to moment. I get my dad when we get him out of bed, when we're cooking dinner together, just trying to stay in the moment with them because it could be a fall that's the last fall. And you know, do as much if you put together a to-do list of your of your plan in the next year that you want to accomplish with your parents, like getting videos and stuff, start doing it immediately. Yeah, anything that you think about you want to do, do not procrastinate, do it.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

We're not going to tomorrow, right?

SPEAKER_04 31:21

We're not, and you know, I've been blessed to have them as long as I've had them, thankfully, and I'm really, I'm sorry if I seem like so rigid, but I really love my mom and dad. I am just I love them with all my heart. That's why I'm here. But it does toughen you up. You will turn into, you know, you just you get a tough skin because you have to, but I do not regret it at all any second that I've had been in this role. It was the best decision and the best career move I've ever made. Yeah, actually, it really is because you know, we have no regrets. So thank you, Tina, for asking me and Melinda. It was such a pleasure to meet you.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

Yeah, and I have one saying, God is constantly conspiring in our behalf, and that's what it sounds like was going on for you. So always working out for us, yeah, and wisdom. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 32:12

Yeah, and having Tina as a friend and a support, I can't thank her enough. It was it was a God sequence that we met. So thank you, Tina, for all you're doing. Oh you're McGraw.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

My pleasure. And you know, I I applaud you, Holly, because I know what you go through and I know how hard it's been and how much you've sacrificed. And so, you know, in dealing with caregivers every day, I see it. It's such a hard thing. But what you said, I think we should stick on at the end of this podcast, that's so valuable, is just how much we love them, right? And if we can focus on that in those tough moments, and Linda and I've talked about this a lot. Like we can stay in that place of gratitude and just appreciation for who they are. Sometimes they're just the shell of a person now. They are their minds not there, their bodies might not be there, but who they are is so beautiful and such a gift.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

And can I can I throw in one more little nugget? I forgot to mention this, it's so awesome. Um, when I started thanking God for the difficulties, it changed my perception, which changed my relationship with them again. Like it kept growing to different layers. So when dad was being difficult, I'd run downstairs and say, Thank you, Jesus, even though I didn't feel it. Yeah, but it literally worked.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

It worked. You're like, thank you for the opportunity to grow, right? Yeah, for you. Look for you. That's very advanced. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

I love that. That's so good. Yeah. So we we always, you know, we laugh part of obviously our you know, tagline is we laugh so we're going to cry. Sometimes it's like, so maybe on that note. For those of you guys not watching, you miss it.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

And subscribe, Tina, and like and share the video. And because Holly, it's like when it's really a caregiver, it's so authentic and wonderful. You know, you can have experts telling you, but when someone who's in the trenches, so to speak, you know, it's it's a powerful uh time and uh message for a lot of other caregivers out there. They'll hear it from you more than they would from someone else. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

All right, absolutely. Thank you for having me. Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast and share it with your friends that need this information. Have a blessed day. Bye. Take care. Thank you for joining us. Subscribe and come back next week for more expert guidance, real support, and even a little laughter.